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In fall 2008 I entered what I’ll call a whole-life leadership development clinic. I was invited to join the Urbana 09 worship team and I began the Inter-Varsity Emerging Leaders program. The confluence of these events has carried me to some places I did not imagine experiencing in such a short period of time. The exercise of leadership and its accompanying disciplines of vision development, responsibility, initiative and accountability have become a primary exercise of my faith in Jesus.

The key piece of background information that you need to know about me is that I have a bit of a history of perceiving myself as being too small in my own eyes – you know, like King Saul. This means I have a tendency to wait for invitations to participate in new initiatives rather than go out and get myself invited. I’ve feared ambition, regardless of the adjective attached to it, and I’ve often felt dubious about wielding power and influence too directly and intentionally. The bigger the stage, the more ambivalent I’ve felt about exerting influence there. All of that is immaturity and sin but I had cloaked it in some fancy spiritual language about humility until a few years ago when some good friends began helping me name it honestly and repent of it.

 

So Emerging Leaders and Urbana have been places of on-going repentance and new faith for me. The stage I’m serving on has become a whole lot bigger; it grew from the size of my fellowships on my campus in my corner of Ontario to the size of our nation and our continent. By leading in these contexts, I enact my faith in God who has made me to serve him, is making me good for others, and wants to make me a full partner with him and you in the work of building his people and redeeming his creation. And, of course, when God brings about repentance and new faith there are all sorts of perks: joy and love, favour and grace, friendship and empathy, along with suffering and conflicts. It is so much better than what I’ve lived in previously.

 

I would have thought that the growth in size and visibility would make failure more frightening. The reality is that, in every sphere of my responsibility - including my leadership on the Urbana team and in Emerging Leaders - I’ve had clear examples of failure in the last three months. All of them have come with joy in the learning, with an awareness of God’s movement and grace and with an eagerness to grow. And, of course, you know what it means when there are clear examples of failure; it means that there are clearer expectations that I can name, and that means that I have clearer vision for which I’m willing to take responsibility… it means I’m learning to lead.

 

In God’s economy, the benefits of my growth as a leader in ministry have come back to repay my family. My wife and daughter have invested deeply in my development within this ministry, or you could say that they’ve paid dearly in time and energy so I can travel to Emerging Leaders training and Urbana rehearsals. In place of resentment at lost time, these costs are being repaid in better communication, better time spent together and renewed hope and vision for our family. Clearly, this is because of the character of our God and the character of my wife, and because the character I’m developing in ministry as a leader also makes me a better husband and a better father.

 

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